* Thursday, August 31

I swallow hard because
I know
That what comes next will hurt
(You more than me)
I bite my lip to try to stop it from shaking
The teeth have broken the skin
And the blood tastes cold to me
After all those nights you kept me warm,
I'd hold my breath just to hear you sleep
I must admit I saw it coming,
The air between us had gotten harder yet to breathe.
I'd run away if I could help it,
But I can't remember to forget your face
You can say my heart has changed,
But it's my will you've beaten down
I'd kiss you now,
but I fear my caustic tongue
Would only serve to salt your wounds
I must admit I saw it coming,
The air between us had gotten harder yet to breathe.
I'd run away if I could help it,
But I can't remember to forget your face
You are as beautiful as ever,
Yet I'm starting to resent your smile
Because it's killing me to say this,
But I'm dying inside to leave
It's a place we've never been,
It's a waste to keep it in
It means little to you but the world to me

it speaks it all.

10:51:00 pm

my head is in a whirl.
my tears have all gone dry.
i wont do anything if you wont too.
so long for all this.
i doubt i'll live to see that day come.
when everything is peaceful.
and i dont have a problem in the world.
i cant wait for heaven.

9:43:00 pm

i dont know what this is.
i dont know what's going on anymore.
i dont know why she said what she said.
then yet again she said you told her that.
then what am i supposed to do?
im now the middle person and im so lost.
i cant hurt any one of you.
but the both of you seem to have alot to quarrel abt.
picking at each other here and there.
i really dont know if you'll are trying to
salvage this friendship or anything.
i cant keep taking this in and not saying anything.
i reallly dont know how to handle this.
backing off would be a good idea.
it all started with me anyway.
i think it will be better.
there will be ONE less thing for you'll to fight abt i guess.
this has caused me to get a spliting headache now
and i just brushed off jeremy.
sorry JEREMY.
you know you rock.
(:
oh wells.
i wont know what to do from today onwards.
i'll just go abt being mad.
i love mel and cheryl!
they made me laugh so hard everyone
was staring at us at marina and suntec and ps.
everywhere and anytime.
i know they'll be there to make me laugh.
HAHA.
thanks you two!
(:

now im in a pain-head-and-confused
state of mind.


out.

7:47:00 pm

MY AMAZING ONE!
please dont stay away from him.
are you mad?
you wont survive alright.
i know you wont.
i wont make you do this kind of dumb things.
and this is step one of the honesty.
(:
and i know how he treats you.
and how much he means to you.
and yes, i did say that.
and i meant it.
wholeheartedly.
but sometimes
i let my thoughts get the better of me.
i will never let you down too.
and im SO glad you're beginning to trust me.
you have no idea what that means to me.
trust doesnt come all THAT easily.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY AMAZING ONE!
i will surely treasure this freindship we have.
(:

8:06:00 pm

haha.this is gonna be so fun.haha.i love hristie so much.haha.she left her com with me.haha.plus she forgot to sign out of her blog.haha.now now.what should i say?
haha.i promised her lots of posts!!!haha.hmmm.this is gonna be tough.haha.shall we start we a emo one or end with it.haha.i think start.haha.

well...i love you!!haha.
its about time you got to know that.haha.
remember that question i asked you awhile ago?
about the meaning of a certain word?
i meant what i said.
don't use it if you're not prepared for what comes with it.
and we both know you aren't.
you got all the time you want.
actually till march 2007(thanks to gerri!!!).
haha.but i think its better.
since you need to think all.
got so many choices right?
haha.i won't name any.haha.
later i get whacked all.
haha.but we both know who we are talking aout yeah?
haha.and i know you love me too.
haha.thats why you trust me to invade your blog without supervision.haha.
but i know you're so busy all.
helping nessa with the p.a. tabulating.haha.
see!!!i'm not the only one helping church behind the scenes.haha.
haha.and i got to type really fast cause i got to hurry down to help them too.
haha.then later still got recollection.haha.
its just by the end of these year then no more class.haha.
and i still don't know if my godparents are gonna come la.
for my confirmation...
i'm so lonely.haha.
well.i'll leave it to the lord to help me find.haha.
christie!!!haha.is this long enough?haha.
nah.i don't think so!haha.
must type longer.haha.i'm still thinking of what to type.haha.
but my hand is pain la.i haven't played badminton for like so long already.haha.
then today went to play during pe.haha.
my hnd all aching already.

but i'm still typing for you!see!!!i'm so good la!!
haha.plus i'm so inspired now.haha.
i didnt know you had so many christian rock songs la.haha.
must take some.haha.
i got to leave soon to meet th TWO fatsos' downstairs la.haha.
the things we do for the church.haha.
see.we are like SOOOO pious.haha.
well.i keep hearing noises in my house la.haha.
like got people walking all.haha.
my sister just came back.haha.
scare me all.haha.
AND I REALLY DON"T LIKE YOUR COM!!!
hmph.i just left it like 2 mins and it had to log off!!!
and the password is SOOOOOOO long la!!!
haha.so irritating!!!
haha.and i got to go down la!
i shall invade another time time with a longer post.haha.
i'll try.haha.yupp yupp.
alright.bye!!!HAHA.
i love you!!!haha.
and you still owe me an answer!!!haha.

4:34:00 pm

i think i made the right decision.
actually,
I KNOW I DID.
99% is enough right?
you have to leave room for obstacles.
1% is enough.
it will get lesser.
cuz i just read something.
so yeah.
it will get lesser okay!
only you know what im talking abt.
HAHA.
I LOVE YOU! (:
how many times alr?
haha.
((:

11:34:00 am

cont'd

number three
MY EXAMS ARE HERE.
and its like,
im cramming everything in.
i started a long time ago.
but it just cant seem to go in.
ALAMAK.
econs is over.
like finally!
the one i most dread.
but i got to say it wasnt that bad!
i want 70/100?
at least.
to get C for the module.
hahaa.
its bad,
i know.
but i never pay attention in class.
haha.
now left with CIP, OB and STATS.
goodness.
EQUAL KILLERS!
STUDY JANE, STUDY!

number four
that dumb man didnt let me go for amplify
cuz he said too far.
then wanna go watch movie,
he say i go out too much.
i've been mugging like some SIAO
and he cant even let me go out.
its ok.
by next thursday at 4pm.
i'll be free!
like break for seven weeks!
WOOOHOO!



we rode into town the other day
just me and my daddy
he said i'd finally reached that age
and i could ride next to him on a horse
that of course was not quite as white
we heard a crowd of people shouting
then so we stopped to find out why
there was that man
that my dad said he loved
but today there was fear in HIS eyes

so i said daddy why are they screaming
why are the faces of some of them beaming
why is HE dressed in that bright purple robe
i bet that crown hurts HIM more than HE shows
daddy please cant you do something
HE looks as though HE's gonna cry
you said HE was stronger than all of those guys
daddy pls tell me why
why does everyone want HIM to die

later that day the sky grew cloudy
and daddy said i should go inside
somehow he knew things would get stormy
boy was he right
but i could not keep from wondering
if there was something he had to hide
so after he left i had to find out
i was not afraid of getting lost
so i followed the crowds to a hill
where i knew men had been killed
then i heard a voice come from the cross

and it said FATHER why are they screaming
why are the faces of some of them beaming
why are they casting they're lots for MY robe
this crown of thorns hurts ME more than it shows
FATHER please cant YOU do something
I know that YOU must hear MY cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
FATHER remind ME why
why does everyone want ME to die
oh when will I understand why

MY precious SON
I hear them screaming
IM watching the face of the enemy beaming
and soon I will clothe YOU in robes of MY own
JESUS this hurts ME much more than YOU know
but this dark hour I must do nothing
though I've heard YOUR unbearable cry
the power in YOUR blood destroys all of the lies
soon YOU will see past their unmerciful eyes
look there below see the child
trembling by her fathers side
now I can tell YOU why
she is why YOU must die.

6:59:00 pm

REGULAR EXPOSURE TO INSECTICIDE HAS
CAUSED ME TO BREAK OUT IN HIVES
IM LOSING WEIGHT
I CANNOT WAIT TILL SATURDAY
CUZ SATURDAY MY TAX DEDUCTIONS
MAKE ME FUNCTION LIKE
A BLUE COLLAR
WHITE COLLAR
I DON'T KNOW SO I GOTTA HOLLER

OH OH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST IT
OH GOSH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST YOU

ANTI-OXIDANTS HAVE GOT ME CAUSING ACCIDENTS
BECAUSE MY WINE IS SPIKED WITH POMEGRANITE
IF YOU GOT JUST ONE, THEN SLAM IT

OH OH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST IT
OH GOSH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST YOU

SHUTDOWN
IT'S JUST SUCH A SHAME
I BET YOU FEEL NO PAIN
MERCY
EXPECT A RIVALRY

SHUTDOWN
ITS JUST SUCH A SHAME
IM LOSING AT THIS GAME
NO FAIR
WHY DONT YOU SEEM TO CARE

LACK OF CONSEQUENCE
HAS GOT ME MAKING DECISIONS
BASED UPON TRUTH OR DARE DECISION MAKING
NO FAKING I END UP TAKING KARATE
SHE'S NAUGHTY
I CALL SHOTTY
MY BODY WILL NEVER LIVE UP TO THESE EXPECTATIONS
I STILL MAKE INVITATIONS

OH OH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST IT
OH GOSH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST IT
OH GOSH GOSH DAMNIT

SHUTDOWN
IT'S JUST SUCH A SHAME
I BET YOU FEEL NO PAIN
MERCY
EXPECT A RIVALRY

SHUTDOWN
ITS JUST SUCH A SHAME
IM LOSING AT THIS GAME
NO FAIR
WHY DONT YOU SEEM TO CARE

OH OH GOSH DAMNIT
I THINK I'VE LOST I'VE LOST IT
AND I THINK THAT I'VE LOST YOU

SHUTDOWN SHUTDOWN
ITS JUST SUCH A SHAME
I BET THAT YOU FEEL NO MORE PAIN
SHUTDOWN SHUTDOWN
ITS JUST SUCH A SHAME
I THINK THAT IM LOSING THIS GAME
SHUTDOWN SHUTDOWN
ITS JUST SUCH A SHAME
I BET THAT YOU FEEL NO MORE PAIN
SHUTDOWN SHUTDOWN
ITS JUST SUCH A SHAME
I THINK THAT IM LOSING THIS GAME


i just totally feel like dying.

number one
i dont know if SHE is angry with me.
who knows.
but she was weird during mass.
and after mass too.
who knows maybe im thinking too much.
i guess i should just CHILL.
like what antaeus said.
HE ROCKS!
and he knows it. (:

number two
my AMAZING one is terribly terribly sad.
i really need to have a talk with her.
its difficult for you to keep it inside HONEY.
let it out and you will feel better.
trusting is not easy,
but you know you can trust me.
im always here DARLING. (:
dont worry.
after all that we've been through i know you can do it.
you can pull through.
you can depend on me.
i'll give you BOTH shoulders.
you can flood the world.
i will never leave you.
I LOVE YOU MY AMAZING ONE! (:

i'll continue tmr.
im not in the mood.
BYE.

10:09:00 pm

SLEEPOVER?

haha.
it was fun.
all five of us did rubbish.
THE LATE QUEEN only reached at like 12am?
bloody hell.
then we watched devil wears prada until the last part then cut off.
shit head.
LATE QUEEN LA.
got all these nonsense DVDs that dont work all.
i dont believe in this ok.
then we watched pirates.
THE FIRST ONE.
cuz someone didnt understand it.
so have to explain to her all.
then after that pink panther.
it sucked?
watched 10mins and decided to turn it off.
bleah.
then...
SLEEP.
but not for long.
some people started snoring all.
then i cannnot sleep.
nvm.
sone people constantly annoying the crap out of me.
then the two of them went to see the sunrise.
and i hogged the double seater.
HAHA.
then they came ack and we had to share again.
and this time.
away from the snorers.
we slept till 7 plus then pei yi's parents woke up
to go malaysia.
then the sister went to the CLEAN TEETH ROOM.
her work place la.
then ah.
we watch tv again.
cooked pancakes.
chocolate, orange and plain.
then added BANANAS and ORANGES and HAM and YOGHURT.
WOOOOOOO.
so full la.
too bad some pple didnt come.
(:

IM GOING TO STUDY NOW.
GOODBYE.
for now.

7:02:00 pm

CELEBRATION OF FRIENDS.



THEN!
we saw justina doing the candles.
LIKE OHMYGOODNESS!
it was just so well planned.
the whole event.
actually you could tell from the invitation card la.
but you know.
we didnt expect this.

MENU:
lobster soup
orange fish
lamb chops
mussels
salad
vongole
prawns

it was totally scrumptious!

after eating,
drey, charm, dora, sandra and me went
CAMERA WHORING!
ahahaha.
the flowers were pretty.
then!
we realised something.
why were the cocktail tables so high?
we dont have such tables in church all.
we took a peek under the table cloth,
and we saw the SJV blocks!
haha.

then i found out the fountain was hand-made?
WOW.
it really took alot of effort.
they had a dry-run all.
sooo SJV.
haha.
and they started cooking way before that day,
and want to be secretive
and say the food was cooked for fun.

then.
we had mass.
i think it was one of the many meaningful
masses we have had?
saying sorry.
it was hard.

lari:
ILOVEYOU alot!
thanks for the invitation! (:
you allowed me to experience what its like to
have so many people in this world who care for you.
dont worry.
you have always been really nice.
take care darling! (:

sheila:
--A TRUE FRIEND IS ONE WHO WALKS IN
WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD WALKS OUT--
anal part is admitted.
haha.
you were always there sheila.
you were.
sometimes physically.
sometimes not.
but the special place you have taken in my heart
will remain there forever.
no one can replace you.
not even the pretty bolster.
the LORD placed you in my life for a reason,
and i already know why.
"you are my strength when i am weak
you are the treasure that i seek
you are my all in all.
when iam down you pick me up
when i am dry you fill my cup
you are my all in all. "
i love you no words can describe.
(:


CORNERSTONES:
and i would never exchange this friendship we have
with anything else in the whole entire world!
IT WAS TRULY A JOD WELL DONE!
(:

nessa:
you have been such a dear since like always.
thank you for always being there.
for always caring.
ILOVEYOUNESSA! (:

after mass we had chocolate fondue!
it was dirty,
but nice!
chocolate got wiped on me?
like from so many people, including FATHER.
BOTH HANDS MAYBE!
yucks.
but i pity poor sheila who had to clean the fondue fountain.
all the dried up chocolate stuck there.
haha.

and all the 70 plates and cups and forks and spoons and bowls
and the big metal warmer.
my goodness.
wash like carzy people till 3am all.
haha.

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.
for all those people who made this experience
a very very memorable one.
i love you guys!
(:

11:02:00 am

I'm holding on, waiting for your call.
It's simple, but I can't explain this.
I'm sinking down;
I feel like I could die.
I'm falling off;
I don't know why.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

So I might try to leave it all behind.
I know tomorrow's not so bright now.
I'll say goodbye 'cause nothing good can last.
You wear and fade;
you're nowhere fast.
But today, I don't know how to keep it all inside,
But I guess I'll let it slide.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

Today,
I don't know why,
I thought that it was real,
But I guess it's no big deal.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

I don't know how.
I don't know how.
I don't know how to let it slide.

another perfect day.
american hi-fi.


today was okay i guess?
we went to eat pizzahut,
you know the new cheese thing?
looks retarded.
but it wasnt that nice la.
i hate fake advertisements.
cheat my feelings all please!
we spent like 50 over bucks?

then wewent library to study.
from 12 to 530.
actually it was 12 to 3.
the rest of the time was spent playing and
eating sweets
and talking and finding books to borrow.
yes books.
the romanov prophecy.

larris, you're right.
its nice.
and im only reading the prologue.
haha.
:)


tomorrow is the CELEBRATION OF FRIENDS!
I SOOO CANT WAIT!
AND I HAD A SNEAK PEEK ABT THE FOOD.
HAHA.
YUMMMY.
its going to be wonderful!
ilovethecornerstones,
for coming up with this!
(:

i have a job interview on thursday.
IMF.
its International Monetary Fund.
for all the cuckoos.
HAHA.
i may get to work in a hotel!
OOOH.
my wonderful dream .
its going to be fun.
plus,
i have the company of my wonderful friends! (:
if i dont like this job,
then it'll be hmmm.
SPH.
Singapore Press Holdings.
haha.
if not then SUSHI TEI.
all he pays are equally good.
7 weeks break could really help.
cant wait for 25th AUGUST.
when it will be over!
arghh.
2 weeks.
HANGING ON...

8:07:00 pm